Broken
by kurai ren
Summary: "But how can I help myself when I m broken beyond repair?" Sensitive issues, character(s) might be a bit OCC...Just something I want to get out of my system...


Discalimer: Hetalia does not belong to me

Warning: Angsty and mentions of self-harm

A/N: Sorry if it`s short...I just...wanted to get this out of my system...

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**Broken**

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I dropped the pen that I held on my hand. I grasped my hair and almost tore it out of my skull. I could feel the immense pain that always filled my heart whenever I remember. I could still feel the fresh tears that would escape my pale face. My blood shot eyes would tear up, letting the tears flow non-stop. It was the same as every night, ever since he abandoned me.

I held on to my memories as a safety blanket. I would strive to live, hoping that one day he will come back. But as days go on that hope would slowly die down. I could myself fall into those dark temptation he tried so hard to protect me from. I barely slept and ate little. I tried to distract myself by mundane things. I tried to find something that would help me cope.

Alas, everything was futile...

because I still think of him...and his broken promise

I could still remember his words. His determination and understanding. It made me happy, it made me less afraid of the world. Even when everyone was skeptic of me, I knew that I had someone by my side. Even if the world would hate me as long as I have someone who would try to understand me, to make me come out of my safe shell. Someone by my side that I know will never abandon me.

_"I won`t abandon you..."_

I would stare at my scarred wrists and laugh silently. I was so pitiful, pathetic. Trying to remain strong even if I knew there is nothing for me. I know others would encourage me to move on, to live, to walk, to fight and to smile. But would they truly understand? What sweet words would do when you know deep down that everything has already broken? What else is there to fix?

_Could I ever be repaired?_

Many have hurt me in the past but I stayed strong for him. I moved one, I walked, I stood up and I lived because I knew I had someone that cares for me. I had him.

I _HAD_ him…

But he abandons me, he hurt me the most, but I could do nothing but cry. No one would help me fix our relationship, they protect him from me, but I was hurt the most. He abandoned me, it wasn`t the other way around. They would laugh and smile as if there was nothing wrong, those that call themselves my friends, who promised to help me through, did nothing. I was the one that was hurt, so why?

Does everyone else hate me so?

Then again I wouldn`t be so surprised, especially for my sins back then.

I clutched my chest, it hurts, but it`s some kind of numbing pain. It`s been like this for months, while I waste away slowly he would be happy. Sometimes I feel my stomach churn, it wasn`t so fair was it? Why must I be the one hurting?

Why can he hate me _but I can`t hate him?_

I stared back at my wrist, old scars were fading but some of the news ones still ooze blood. The cutter at the end of the table looks too tempting, having it glide across my wrist, making me bleed. I stared at it longingly but I refuse to touch it. But I know the temptation would be too much and one of these days I would cut my skin, watch the blood flow and stare at it blankly. To feel something else other than the heart numbing pain in my heart.

I watched as the sun slowly peaked from the curtains of my room. Another night has gone by without sleep. Would he have cared? Would he have cared if I died? Would anyone?

I still want to tell him, even when he hates me.

I want to tell him…

"_Gomenasai Arthur-san…"_

Tears stained my pale cheeks as I wait for morning to come. I sat still staring at nothing. Listening to the soft musing that was playing on my Music player. I refuse to think of anything, I refuse to acknowledge my pain. But somehow I could still see his Emerald eyes and bright smile, His hands waving at me and calling out my name.

"_Good Morning Kiku!"_

My tears would not stop flowing; I held back a sob and closed my eyes, letting myself cry silently yet again. I clenched my fist as a whimper escaped my lips. I can`t hold back my emotions as they forcefully gushed out. My normally neat black hair was frazzled and my pale skin became sickly. I know this can`t go on as it should but no one was willing to help me. They want me to help myself.

But how can I help myself when I`m broken beyond _repair?_

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A/N: I know it`s short but I just want that out my head…sadly even though it`s summer break I can`t write anything because I`m still suffering from depression and my best friend just abandoned me cuz_ I`m too much work._

I want to tell my readers…if you know a friend or anyone suffering from depression…_Don`t_ abandon them! Be patient with them…I know how they must feel…every night haunted by their thoughts…the sight of food sickens them…and that numbing pain…that pain that makes their heart feel heavy…and the sick please of hurting themselves…just too see the blood flow…the sick, twisted please of knowing that maybe…just maybe they would accidentally kill themselves top end their pain….

Ironically whenever we RP I`m Japan and she`s England...haha guess you know why I used those two for this fic


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